“Hello and good morning. Time to gear up to internally defeat yourself until you are too exhausted to function! To begin, let’s think about everyone you are fairly certain hates your guts and is out to get you. Next, go over everything that is wrong with you. Take your time with this one. There is a lot wrong with you. I’d like to remind you of everything you don’t have and how with each passing day your desires to accomplish your dreams increase while the likelihood of you accomplishing said dreams diminishes. Now, lets obsess over each worst case scenario that could possibly happen, ever. Like your seasonal allergies actually turning out to be some leaky brain disease or your apartment building burning down in a fire with your dog inside. Continue each step until you have convinced yourself that nothing matters and you might not even be real, just some fever dream a five year old in a vegetative state is having until the family decides to pull the plug.”
I wanted to describe how a conversation with my anxious mind would sound like and I can’t lie, I laughed while I wrote this. You might ask yourself what kind of monster thinks anxiety is humorous? Anyone who has experienced it, and works through it, that’s who! Because although anxiety is real and can be crippling it’s also incredibly absurd. It is outlandish, dramatic, pointless, lazy and selfish.
I haven’t experienced extreme anxiety like I used to in a very long time (thank goodness!). Meditation and living a more balanced life has certainly helped with that but I also believe that humor is vital. If you find yourself obsessing and you simply cannot escape your toxic thoughts; embrace them head on. Write out your anxieties. Next, go over each one and REALISTICALLY break down the anxiety. For example, does your best friend of 15 years secretly hate you and is trying to steal your boyfriend? If you can’t list at least 3 reasons as to why this thought could be true, you are probably just a neurotic sicko with trust issues, BUT who isn’t? Now accept the thought, break it down, laugh at your absurdity and move on.
When I was about eight I developed ritualistic OCD that I luckily grew out of shortly after. I was convinced that if I didn’t open and close the door to my bedroom a certain way the world would end, or my entire family would be murdered or both. I can look back and laugh at my young mind and see how pointless my wasted hours of hand washing, finger tapping, door knob turning and eye blinks were. If I can so easily see that now, why do I have trouble getting past any other current anxiety I may face? I remind myself that my anxious mind is a liar and is not to be listened to.
The anxious mind is like a mutant Frankenstein type combination of 50 percent evil genius, 50 percent needy pre-teen who watched too many movies. More importantly the anxious mind is hilarious so drown out its voice with your laughter!